If Only
by Ascarda Astachi
Summary: A tiny little drabble I wrote to express my current depression. you don't have to read my giant rant first, just skip to the first line-break. A chocolate laugh erupted around the empty beach as the teacher was pulled to a pale chest, pressed close, and then a dark neck was nuzzled. One-Shot. KakaIru/IruKaka
1. Version 1

I really need to vent, I need to talk to someone because I'm having a terrible time. As many of you know, I've moved over to Fiction Press to write origional stories, and I've spent _months _on a story called "Nuclear Mind & Quantum Feet" which I'm so proud of.

I've got sheets and sheets of notes for it, I've written several chapters and for once in my life I was _excited _to post it, because I was finally happy where my writing was going.

But I got literally nothing, not one thing. No follows, No reviews, nothing.

I was devistated to say the least, because I was so happy with it and I wrote it with the reader in mind- - I created forums to ask people for opinions becaus I wanted people to love it as much as I did; but even the person I was talking to on the forum didn't read it. No one.

It's dragged me into such a dark place- - I've got no motivation to write anyhting, and it's horrible becasue I was going to send NMQF to a publisher after I was done.

Now it's just- - I can't even deal with it, because I wasn't ecpecting anything at all it didn't hurt that much when nothing came through, until I read some shitty little One-shot that was 500 words of pure kinky, pointless and medicore sex between two guys who didn't have personalitys, and that ended with them suddenly falling in love.

It pissed me off to no end, because this story which the author admitted had only taken 5 minutes to write, got 300 reviews.

300.

I thought "I cant judge them for just that, I'll read something else to see if their writing is normally fuller" and so I read a multi-chap she wrote.

They didn't finish it, and every chapter they begged for reviews.

It was plotless (even i hated that, and i love a good drabble), and had a sex scene in each chapter between different men who appeared to have no relation to each other, but were all in the same story. I messaged her a few days ago asking i she was going to continue, and if theywere unrelated one-shots, adn she replyed to me just now;

"No, they arn't and i didn't realised they look like it :P oopps! No i'm not gonna finish it, it was my first story and tbh not many people liked it"

It got 150 reviews and _"not many people liked it"_

_If only._

* * *

The waves moved slowly across the sand, taking tiny rocks and granules with them in their backwash before relaying them further down the beach. Kakashi sat quietly, legs sped and a brunette and tan-skinned man sitting between his legs, his normally spikey pony-tail down around his shoulders as Kakashi rested his pointed and un-masked chin on the loose tendrils of Iruka's hair. They both watched as the water changed the beach around them; shaped it in its own visions.

Pale and long hands ran up a tanned chest, rubbing firmly up and down in the summer's sun; enjoying the feel of the skin under his fingers. He curled his fingers around a prominent hip, arms crossed, and pulled the smaller man into him.

A chocolate laugh erupted around the empty beach as the teacher was pulled to a pale chest, pressed close, and then a dark neck was nuzzled. His name was called out as he rolled the smaller onto the sand, said smaller kicking and laughing as though it would make a difference.

They fought like children, running from one another like fools and leaving squashed and spread footprints on the milky sand.

He caught Iruka near to sea, throwing them both into the foamy water and capturing lips in his; playing with tongue and teeth because he's allowed to. His eyes closed in bliss as he tasted the many tastes Iruka offered to him so willingly; as he failed to withhold a moan.

His eyes fluttered open, mismatched in reds and blues; unlike his loves in dark and glossy coffee. He looked at the empty side of the bed next to him and nearly sobbed, his hand unconsciously travelling the pillow and down to the centre, going under the covers. He caressed the mattress where a chest should be like there was a person there, like he was caressing his lover.

_If only._

* * *

**A/N: **And now I've just done the thing I said I hate, and now I'm a hypocrite.


	2. Improved Version

_I feel a little regretful of my last posting; I was so riled up I didn't even proof read, nor did I take into account that other people are actually going to read my rant- - I guess I was a little selfish, so here is a much better version of "if Only" that I'm doing seriously, not just throwing it out (something I said last time I hate, but then did) without being a self-absorbed, sympathy hunting annoyance that would irritate me if I was reading. I hope this is better, and I have some sincere thank-you messages at the end of this. _

**If Only; Improved**

The waves moved slowly across the sand like the minimal clouds across the sky, taking tiny rocks and granules with them in their backwash before relaying them further down the beach. Kakashi sat quietly, legs spread and a brunette and tan-skinned man sitting between them. Said man's hair, normally in a pony-tail high on his head, was down around his shoulders covering his neck from the heated glare of the sun, and providing a soft pillow for Kakashi to rest his pointed chin on. The loose tendrils of Iruka's hair were holding his un-masked face in a relaxed embrace similar to the one Iruka's hand had on his knees, the other painting in the hot sand. They both watched as the water changed the beach around them; shaped it in its own visions.

The pale and long hands of Kakashi's ran up a tanned chest, rubbing firmly up and down in the summer's sun; enjoying the feel of the skin under his fingers and the muscles dancing under dark skin with ticklish nerves. He curled his fingers around prominent hips; arms crossing over the smaller chest of the man under his chin to pulled Iruka into him.

A chocolate laugh erupted around the empty beach as the teacher was pulled to a pale chest, pressed close, and then a neck coated with brown hair was nuzzled by the larger who acted as his chair. Kakashi's name was called out as he rolled the smaller onto the sand, said smaller kicking and laughing as though it would make a difference. He caught both roaming hands in his own golden ones; his syrupy skin glistening as he escaped from his lover and eloped with the sudden breeze into the centre of the beach, edging towards the blue-tinted ocean.

They fought like children, running from one another like fools and leaving squashed and spread footprints on the milky sand, some large and others modest.

He caught Iruka near the warming sea, throwing them both into the foamy water and capturing moist lips in his; allowed to begin playing with tongue and with teeth as a prize. His eyes closed in bliss as he sampled and consumed the many tastes Iruka offered to him so willingly; as he failed to withhold a moan from the return of his heated and passionate lip-lock.

His eyes fluttered open, mismatched in red and blue unlike his loves dark, glossy and hot coffee orbs. He regarded the empty, cold side of the bed next to him with tired eyes and resisted the sudden urge to call out in frustration- - then to sob into his pillow. His hand unconsciously travelled the pillow, heatless, and down to the centre of his mattress, icy from the lack of a body that should be there. Going under the haphazard covers, he caressed the mattress where a tanned chest should be- - where the bronze body should be arching and humming with delight under his callous fingers. He continued through the dim morning, like there was a person there, like he was caressing his lover.

_If only._

* * *

_I can only offer my greatest appreciation towards __**JaketheDog33**__,__** tazicat12**__ and __**CallMeButLove**__, who have sent me the greatest reviews I've ever received. I hold respect for all of you, and have written a message for each of you below;_

_To __**JaketheDog33 **__((fantastic adventure time screen name by the way)), thank-you for actually going over to my fiction press; it made me feel incredibly proud and it restored my faith (How tacky) in the Fanfiction reader, because you are clearly a very genuine, concerned and kind person and are not anything like my current view on the Yaoi-reader (presuming that's what you are), at all. I wish you luck if you ever post, and I wish you luck in general as a reader of fanfiction; I hope we can collaborate or talk, or something._

_To __**tazicat12, **__as you can probably tell I've already taken your advice into account; I've stolen a tiny bit of your recommendations in your PM, such as the use and positioning of words. I really appreciate you spending you time to rewrite my fail at a drabble. It was something no one has done for me, and it was extremely useful. You were very through in your comments, which is far better than any reviews I've gotten which are simply "you've don't his wrong" or "nice story I love this character" without advice for help. I've already sent you a PM, so I don't want to repeat myself anymore._

_To __**CallMeButLove, **__I'm very honoured you've read this even if you don't like slash- - it made me feel humbled, if anything, and you didn't vent your feelings for your dislike for this pairing or anything; it was a gentle, professional comment that this website seems to lack sometimes. You talked about my writing, not my views, and I appreciate that more than anything, because I'm a writer more than a KakaIru fan (mostly, depending on the day!).  
I have to say, I've never read such a poetic review; the mentions of using a thesaurus until it's worn through was a fantastic image and very powerful motivation, and I can tell just from you review you must be a fantastic author. I'm going to read your stories when I have time; you're in my bookmarks!_

Much respect and gratitude,

Ascarda.


End file.
